Body Dysmorphia vs MYSELF

What is body dysmorphia?

Body dysmorphia in simple terms is becoming obsessed with minor flaws in your appearance that may be existent or non-existent.

DISCLAIMER: The image collage you currently see are Circa 2011-2013ish

I competed in bodybuilding shows for about 4 years. During that time I had completely transformed my body. I spent hours in the gym some days preparing for a show but little did I know what I was doing to myself MENTALLY!

I am now 34, mom of a 5 year old and I will look at parts of my body and say: "YUCK!" What's normal to some isn't "normal" to me. I trained so much that after I had my daughter I decided that I wanted to be normal. I didn't want to focus on meal prepping, how much cardio I needed to do that week, etc. 

There are aspects about my body that I can change fairly quick because my body and weights are best friends. What could take someone months could take me 2 months or less. I just make the choice not to. Believe it or not I weighed 120 in these pictures. I currently weigh around 170 but I don't look it (See Image Below)

You may say: "Girl you look good you're trippin!" What I see is extra fat in my right armpit, fat on my waist (if I did cardio it would go away in like a week but I'd lose 5 pounds at the same time too.), and my arms are still big as hell. 

The minor flaws have caused me to not wear certain things because of how others will perceive me based on how I look. It's tiring at times.

I used to be the trainer (like the influencers) and share every meal, train and share all of my workouts just to maintain this "perfect" image that most hate trying to sustain year round. 

I commend those that do it year round more power to you. I just know that after being in the fitness industry for so long that it's ok to be normal like the rest of the general population. I have plenty of friends who have been NPC Pro's and they will tell you that the plastic trophy isn't worth the stress that comes with it.

Some people compete just to see how far that they can push their bodies and I can't front like I didn't like it because I love the fact that I can move serious weight and make folks eyes pop out their heads because I'm so small (I'm 5'3") and can do so much.

If you think you struggle with body dysmorphia speak with a mental health expert ASAP.